Ranting On The Go

My hat's off to you, sir.

2008-11-27T16:05:00.001-05:00

Effing epic.

I am now after the birds.

2008-11-20T16:49:00.003-05:00

Yeah, I haven't written in the blog in a while. Hey, if you want regular, dependable updates, pay me. :)

Kidding, of course. Oh, look. It's a crane (or a heron, probably) on the Gandy Bridge. He let me walk right up to him, so I assume he wanted his picture taken.

In other news. . . novel's almost done. Finally.

And that is it for me today.

Next in the "bugs I find interesting" series. . .

2008-09-30T14:55:00.001-05:00

. . . we have this guy. He was very agreeable as far as being photographed, so I think he was asleep. It must be tiring to be FREAKING HUGE.

My dog is Interwebs.

2008-09-22T12:20:00.001-05:00

Because Sadie is cooler than a normal dog, she is of course an avid user of the Internet. After hours of research, Sadie has decided to no longer order grits when she travels North, or to explain what they are. Instead, she will merely burn down whatever restaurant doesn't have them. *

*Note: This is the very definition of an inside joke, unless you too have seen the regional Quaker Instant Grits commercial from 1974. Trust me, it's funny.

He's still out there. . .

2008-09-18T10:00:00.000-05:00

Well, not really. Lisa and I helped Wake County Animal Control capture him last night. If anyone ever tells you chickens are slow, you may punch that person directly in the skull for lying to you.

The birds are after me again.

2008-09-17T15:13:00.001-05:00

They've been playing it cool for a couple of months now, but the birds have now sent a specialist. He appeared around the house yesterday morning while my wife was walking the dogs, which of course caused them to go insane.

This picture was taken from my front door. Had I delayed two seconds, he would have walked right in the door and started doing rooster-y stuff inside the house, dogs be damned. This guy was pretty agressive, actually.

Now, the funny thing is, we live nowhere near a farm. We live right next to the freeway, actually. So there's no reason why this guy should have been wandering around my neighborhood last night except that the birds have sent him to kill me. Thankfully, he didn't pose a major threat, as he's. . . y'know. . . a chicken.

Just a side note -- Edie and Sadie really, really want to eat him.

He was friendly.

2008-09-16T09:27:00.002-05:00

Perhaps I should just rename this blog "Bugs I Find Interesting." Whatever. I'm a 30-year-old geek. I find everything at least somewhat interesting.

Well, except for celebrity gossip. I couldn't manufacture concern about what Paris did today, even if you held me at gunpoint.

Besides, this strange dragonfly-ish thing was almost posing (or so I thought -- when I looked closer at the image, he was just stuck on his back. But he was moving, I swear).

Just so my blog isn't entirely about dogs and insects, I would like to recommend that everyone out there listen to more Rammstein -- especially Reise, Reise and Rosenrot, which have really grown on me lately.

Also, I'd like to report that I am, so far, rather disappointed with "Fringe," the new J.J. Abrams show. Somehow, I expected something more original, not Generic Cute FBI Agent + Mad Scientist + Snarky Sidekick Guy = Tons of Predictable Dialogue ("Now. . . we wait!"). The second episode is tonight, so I'll give it another shot, and undoubtedly report back. . . because I take TV way, way too seriously.

Innocence incarnate.

2008-09-09T07:20:00.001-05:00

At least, that's what they want you to believe.

Jeff Goldblum, no!

2008-09-05T13:29:00.003-05:00

Yeah, I haven't blogged in a while. I do that, sometimes. But, in other news, huge fly!

This guy was all sorts of disgustingly ginormous. That strip of metal under him? That's seven inches wide. I'm pretty sure this fly could talk, but I wasn't going to get close enough to find out. He might have had a shotgun hidden somewhere on him.

Fly in super-blowed-up-disgusto-vision:

Rotating phobias and you!

2008-08-19T11:31:00.003-05:00

And by "you," I of course mean me.

Like most humans, I have a phobia -- a crippling, irrational fear of something. Most people's phobias are centered on one thing -- clowns, doctors, the number 13 -- whatever. My phobia is odd, in that it seems to change subjects randomly. For a while when I was young, it was clowns. In my mid-20s, it was (embarrasingly enough) pigeons. I have no phobias of either anymore -- not through any kind of therapy, either. Both phobias just vanished one day.

Of course, new phobias spring up to replace the old. A few years ago, I was on the ferris wheel at Chicago's Navy Pier, which I'd been on many times before. This time, though, I felt crippling, irrational fear and panic. I'd soon learn that I was now deathly afraid of heights, but only if there was an open edge that I could conceivably fall from. This phobia persisted until. . . well, today.

I walk by this railing (and its accompanying four-story drop) every day, and until today, I always got that fluttering in my gut that presages a panic attack. Today, nothing. I even hopped up and dangled the upper half of me over the edge -- nothing.

So, as quickly and inexplicably as it manifested, the acrophobia has vanished. I'm wondering now what new phobia has taken its place -- because there is one. I just don't know what it is yet.

Ah. Flashback humor.

2008-08-12T12:49:00.001-05:00

Is it possible for one to own too many pairs of Cons? Because if it is, I think I want to be that guy.

Mondays. Why?

2008-08-11T11:05:00.003-05:00

I feel like Edie looks in this picture. Mondays confuse and disorient me.

The coffee, she does nothing.

2008-08-06T10:30:00.002-05:00

I can barely keep my eyes open today, and I have no idea why. I actually slept last night, which is rare. Also, my left thumb is useless, thanks to swelling from a shitload of fire-ant bites. Today shall be a complaining day.

Eddie Van Halen should have retired long ago. Like, 1989.

Windows Mobile is inherently flawed. Its fatal flaw: it sucks.

For Windows Vista, see above, then multiply by 40.

Both current presidential candidates, while they might be good people, suck. This is simply because I'm tired of hearing about them.

Also, CNN sucks. I don't care what Barack Obama wore to the gym today. I care about the coup in Mauritania, which didn't even make your front page this morning.

Added for Nate: We are also tired of Rachel Ray. For Shawn: And the constant and obvious photoshopping away of any imperfections in any picture you might find of her.

You know what I dig?

2008-07-29T11:04:00.003-05:00

Math.

Renewed.

2008-07-28T09:57:00.002-05:00

Of course I renewed. Sandmen always renew.

Thanks to everyone for the berfday wishes yesterday. I spent most of my day hanging out with the dogs and playing Marvel: Ultimate Alliance. It was quiet, and that was fine.

And what's on the slate for Shawn 3.0? (Yes, Nate, I liked that so much I stole it).

Well, looks like a book is finally going to sell this year, so that's nice. I doubt I'll be able to retire off of it, but I really like the story, and I'm really kind of proud that something like that has come out of my head, so there we go.

Other than that, though, it's work and coffee, as is the tradition for Mondays in modern times.

Lastday.

2008-07-27T00:06:00.002-05:00

Lastday -- Leo Zero Fives, Year of the City 2008. Carousel begins.

There's something you don't see every day.

2008-07-23T14:48:00.001-05:00

I was driving home from work a few days ago when I found myself behind this -- it looks like a Dnepr, but it might be a Ural. I didn't get close enough to check, because people who do that (follow motorcycles too closely) are jackasses.

Which is not to say I'm not a jackass, mind you. I'm just not that particular breed of jackass.

Run, Runner!

2008-07-14T09:39:00.003-05:00

Yesterday began the countdown -- two weeks to LastDay. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, I will direct you to the 1976 film "Logan's Run," where inhabitants of the depicted future society were "put to sleep" on their 30th birthday, or LastDay. (I direct you to the 1976 film rather than the 1967 novel, as the novel had LastDay at 21, and it kind of destroys my metaphor.)

When I was younger, I kind of dreaded turning 30 -- it meant that I was officially "old," and could no longer get away with passing as "young." Really, nowadays, it's not so much an issue -- I've been feeling old for years now. Prematurely silvering hair will do that to you.

So, really, turning 30 is nothing to be scared of -- unless, of course, in three days my palm starts blinking red. Then I'm (in the parlance of our times) fucked, because those Sandmen are a bitch to stop.

Yeah, you really need to see that movie.

Spider-Janitor!

2008-07-09T08:56:00.004-05:00

No commentary here -- just pictures of the spider-janitor power-washing the outside of the building. Every once in a while, I do just take pictures of things I think are kinda cool, after all.

OK, I know I just promised no commentary, but damn. I'm listening to NPR as I work, and there's some extremely old woman stumbling through reading the news. It's just annoying. I know it's public radio and all, but hire someone who doesn't sound like she's about to die, please.

End of impromptu rant. Look! Spider-Janitor!

Free Perry!

2008-07-07T12:43:00.002-05:00

This is only funny if you work in my office. . .

But, trust me, if you do, it's very funny.

Yarr!

2008-06-23T12:21:00.002-05:00

No, I'm not jumping on the "pirates are cool" bandwagon. I'm on (as I always have been) the Nerd Wagon.

Weekend before last, Lisa and I decided to drop by the North Carolina Museum of History, which was pretty full of cool stuff. For no reason I can think of, I'm a big fan of skull iconography, so when I saw this flag, I had to take a picture. 'Twas the flag of Blackbeard, of whom you may have heard -- a variation on the skull and crossbones, the skeleton with the hourglass in one hand and the heart-stabbing spear in the other meant "your time is running out. You're going to die."

So, you know, Blackbeard had that going for him. Which is nice.

As my tattoo artist can tell you, I'm a big fan of symbol language, and this particular symbol message by an illiterate, drunken privateer was just too cool not to take pictures of.

Also, no snakes. You're welcome, Mom. :)

Note the look of concentration.

2008-06-17T11:26:00.001-05:00

Can someone explain to me how it is possible to not look silly riding one of these things?

Lisa and I were downtown for breakfast on Saturday morning (part of the three-day fourth anniversary celebration). We'd noticed a few weeks back when my folks were in town that there was a Segway store that had recently popped up, but we had no idea they would give tours. When we walked by on the way in to breakfast, it looked like there was a Segway training class in session. I can only imagine what the "trainer" must have been saying: "Now, when you're riding this thing around, you may hear a sound like perfect strangers laughing at you. This is totally normal, and it doesn't mean anything is wrong with your Segway."

If it seems to you that I have just a little too much hatred for the Segway, you're probably not wrong. The things are just ri-goddamned-diculous to me. I mean, either walk or ride a scooter or something. These things make you look retarded.

Don't mind me, chief.

2008-06-13T08:33:00.001-05:00

The wife and I were out for a walk around the neighborhood night before last, and came across this guy just leisurely slithering across the road. I'm still up in the air on how well the picture shows it, but he's really, really long.

This one's a rat snake, a thankfully nonpoisonous constrictor. I actually correctly identified the snake before we got home (Lisa: "Googling 'Snakes of North Carolina' actually takes me to 'snakesofnorthcarolina.com.' That's convenient.") It was a lucky guess, though, and kind of good for us, as we stood around like idiots for about 15 minutes watching a potentially lethal (though not really) snake slide across the street and into the neighboring apartment complex.

This post really served no purpose other than, "Look, a snake!"

This is the most brilliant thing I've ever seen.

2008-06-04T08:47:00.003-05:00

Really, there aren't words.

I was in Nebraska for my pal Nate's wedding (congratulations again, you crazy kids), and I saw this while out walking (not in the pouring rain, as I had covered that earlier in the week). I can still look at it and it makes me laugh, even days and several sleepless nights later. Good on you, random vandals.

Nyargh. . . I got to go to bank now.

2008-05-21T12:43:00.004-05:00

I have no idea why this picture makes me laugh, but it does every time I see it. If you find an application called FaceWarp for mobile phones, I can't describe enough how much fun it is for 30 seconds or so.

The thing is, since the picture is kind of off-center, the effect is slightly more subtle, and it looks like I could be really making this face -- this kind of "I can barely wipe the drool from my own chin" face. I think this should be my congressional campaign poster.

Dogs need hummus. To live.

2008-05-20T11:10:00.001-05:00

Or at least, that's what they want us to think.

Behold, Sadie and Edie working together in an attempt to look pitiful enough to score hummus and pita chips. This is one of the few sure-fire ways to keep both dogs calm -- though you do have to deal with Edie's drooling. I swear, I have never seen a dog drool as much as this one does. It's like she has shoestrings hanging from her mouth.

Strangely, he did not offer to save me money on my car insurance.

2008-05-15T09:45:00.002-05:00

I'm behind on blogging, but meh. For the five people that read it, I apologize. For the other six billion, really, I could say anything I want right now and you'd never know. Suckers.

So this little guy was just chilling out sunning himself a few days back. Even though I live in the south now, this was the first time I can remember that I've actually seen a lizard just hanging out. In Florida, I saw them all the time, but never here. Perhaps it's because we have an artificial pond really close by the office, but not at the house.

When I was a kid, I remember catching a gecko for a school project (this was when we lived in Texas, so the extent of the project was probably "Go catch a lizard and we'll give you an A. Also, make sure the lizard says good things about Texas." The public education system in Texas left a lot to be desired), then keeping him on past the project was over, assuming he'd make a cool pet.
PSA: Lizards are very boring pets. They really don't do a hell of a lot. The lizard in the picture above? Yeah, pretty much doing 95% of what lizards do -- sitting around. Get a real pet, like a very large dog that likes to eat your furniture. They may be more expensive, but at least they're not boring.

Also, don't send your kids to school in Texas, unless you want them to think that "get" is spelled with an "i."

Ain't nobody gonna buy nothin' from a damn ambulance, man.

2008-05-06T15:51:00.002-05:00

This stands as the most fucked-up thing I've seen this week (and I saw a clown getting out of a taxi this weekend). In case you can't tell due to the resolution, that is indeed an ambulance converted into an ice-cream truck. You can't really see it from the picture, but the compressor motor was bungee-corded to the back of the thing. Funnier still, they ran the amp for the crappy ice-cream music through the same sound board as the sirens used to run through, so every twenty seconds or so, the sirens would go off.

Kids, marvel at the most ghetto ice-cream van in existence.

Name of the Game

2008-04-28T09:21:00.005-05:00

“Inconstancy is my very essence," says the wheel. "Rise up on my spokes if you like, but don’t complain when you are plunged back down into the depths. The good times pass away, but then, so do the bad. Mutability is our tragedy, but it’s also our hope. The worst of times, like the best, is always passing away.”

-- Boethius, The Consolation of Philosophy, 524 A.D.

"That looks fuckin' awesome."

-- Zeus, 2008

"Indeed."

--Me, same

Silencio.

2008-04-22T13:35:00.003-05:00

Today, as part of my job, I got to hang out in an Anechoic chamber. If you've never been in one of those, it's basically a room so sound-proof that it's completely silent. Even small sounds (like breathing) are swallowed up by the huge baffles on the walls, floors, and ceilings. One of my co-workers didn't go into the room, stating that it wierded him out.

I can see why. Not that it weirded me out at all, but it was an interesting experience. Complete silence has interesting effects on your head. You become very aware of your ears, to the point where you feel like your eardrums are swelling. Your equilibrium seems messed up. You get disoriented very quickly, and realize that, without reference sound, your brain is doing backflips trying to figure out what's going on.

Far from being freaked out by the experience, I'd be interested in hanging out there more often, for hours at a time. If you ever get the chance to go into an Anechoic chamber (and I don't know how you would -- it's not like they're advertised in the yellow pages), I highly recommend it.

When's recess?

2008-04-16T14:27:00.004-05:00

As nice as it is out today, my mind has decided to wander a bit. I caught myself thinking that public school woefully underprepares us for real life. When you work for a living, there is no summer. There is no recess. Those are replaced by two insignificant weeks of vacation and (if you're lucky) an hour a day for lunch.

Dammit. Public school lied to me. I want to go outside and play.

Aww. They're Fwends.

2008-04-14T10:13:00.004-05:00

This shot had to be documented, because the kids are so constantly in motion that you rarely see them cuddling. That, and I'd hate for anyone to think for even half a second that I ever thought about anything other than dogs. Yeah, I probably should have warned people from the outset that if they're not into dogs, this probably isn't the blog for them. As you'll see from this next picture:

We don't get the bed anymore. The dogs are. . . firmly in control. They've already taken the visitor's center -- turn back, for the love of God!

Oh, and there's no specific reason I posted these in black and white. Probably because I was messing with that function on my camera phone, and one only has a 0.5-second window to take a picture when the dogs are doing something cute. Any longer than that, and Edie is up and moving to see what you're doing with that strange device.

Staff Meetings in the 21st Century

2008-04-09T10:11:00.004-05:00

When I got my first "real job" (the one after I graduated from college is the one I count, though I've been working since I was 15), I was introduced to the Friday Staff Meeting. Normally, this was a large gathering of all the editors and writers in the building inside the company's cavernous breakroom. For about half of the meeting, important things were discussed face-to-face with our bosses. The other half, though, usually consisted of one or two people using the gathering as an platform from which to bitch about something that only they cared about while the rest of us struggled to stay awake. (Of course, the sleepiness factor probably would have been easier to avoid had the meetings not been scheduled just after lunch on Friday.)

Fast forward to now, where my bi-weekly staff meeting usually consists of the participants you see above -- me, my notebook, and the speakerphone. On the other end of the phone, of course, are about 12 other people. . . but they're all in Sweden. These meetings are at 9 in the morning (or just after lunch in Sweden), and, while I find the idea of staff meetings unproductive, these at least stay slightly more on-topic than ones I've been forced to sit through in the past. No one really hijacks the meeting with personal agendas, and we actually discuss what we say we're going to discuss in the time we've allotted -- then we get the hell out of there.

I find it fascinating that a staff meeting across the Atlantic actually ends up being more efficient than one when all of the participants are in the same room. Perhaps it's just the Swedish mindset about the whole thing (though they do looooooove having meetings), or perhaps it's not wanting to waste time on a long-distance line. Or perhaps it's the knowledge that, if I do fall asleep, no one will really notice (unless, of course, I snore).

Still, I don't dig on the whole concept of periodic staff meetings. Got information you need to get to the entire department? Email. Have a question for one or two people? Email (or, if possible, just get up and walk to that person's office). Need someone in the department to explain what they're working on to the rest of the group? Send that person an email, and have that person email the rest of the department.

Meh. It's probably just my antisocial personality.

MEEEEEEEAT!

2008-04-08T12:39:00.003-05:00

You know, it really doesn't bother me that my wife decided to go vegetarian. Oh, sure, all of my best dishes involve meat in some way, but I've had to learn how to make new things, which has been kind of fun. I'm still of the opinion that vegetarians shouldn't try to pass off meatless dishes as meaty ones we're all familiar with (that "Vegetarian Rueben" isn't bad, but it certainly isn't a Reuben). They should just let the dishes stand on their own without comparison, because they're tasty enough, and surely the vegetarian chefs of the world don't actually think they're fooling anyone.

Another nice thing about my wife going vegetarian is that it's forced me to eat healthier meals, at least at home. OK, I say "forced," but really, she doesn't care if I eat meat, even in front of her. It's my own laziness (cooking two separate main courses versus one) that has painted me into the healthy-eating corner, but why quibble over the small stuff? Still, the point I'm rambling in the general direction of is, that while I've not been eating as much meat as usual, I can still make a bad lunch decision with the best of them.

Note, for example, the massive, heart-stopping cholesterol-fest you see above. I must thank the mad geniuses at the corporate restaurant for coming up with that one -- spicy Italian sausage sauteed with onions and peppers, then plonked onto a sub roll with masses of provolone cheese. I don't care how bad it was for me. . . after the second bite, I knew I was going to plow through it in a matter of minutes. And I did. Thank you, you magnificent bastards. You've made Tuesday worth waking up for.

What's this? A week without dog pictures?

2008-04-04T07:51:00.003-05:00

While I was sick this week, the dogs took care of me. As you can see, they're trying really hard here (actually, Sadie looks confused as to why she's awake, and Edie, as always, just looks generally confused).

Edie is getting rather huge -- she's scratching 60 pounds now, yet Sadie still manages to beat the crap out of her.

No, it couldn't, sadly.

2008-03-31T23:54:00.004-05:00

Currently, I'm reading "Our Band Could Be Your Life." There's almost nothing more depressing than realizing that, at almost thirty, you are definitely too old to start a punk rock band.

Evidence.

2008-03-27T16:37:00.001-05:00

Hear the birds plotting against me! I'm pretty sure one of them honked something anti-Semetic at me, which is strange, as I'm not Jewish.

Oh, crap.

2008-03-27T16:31:00.001-05:00

North Carolina in March. We dig it.

2008-03-27T08:41:00.002-05:00

You know, in the Midwest (where I lived before North Carolina), it might still be snowing this late in March. (Right now, actually, it's raining and 30 degrees where I used to live -- thanks, Weather.com!) However, here it's already 60 degrees, and looks to get up to 78 today. In March.

The three and a half minutes of Spring we have in North Carolina is pretty awesome. I personally don't mind the six months of summer, either, where it's above 90 and muggy all the time. What I do hate, however, is snow. And cold. North Carolina really has neither of these, unless you ask a North Carolinaian. They'll tell you about the world-killing, school-closing, End-Of-The-World-Jesus-Is-Coming-And-He's-Angry snow Raleigh got this winter.

Funfact: That "snow" didn't even collect on the roadways. The less than half-inch that managed to stick to the grass was a major news story for three days. Ask Nate if that was snow. Then duck, as he may slap you.

The Foil Ducks are not after me.

2008-03-24T07:36:00.001-05:00

You know, the construction of aluminum-foil waterfowl is a dying art form, to say the least. Inside, you'd find a vegetarian stuffed pepper from this year's Easter Feast (or, as I like to call it, Ham-Fest '08).

Since my wife decided to become a vegetarian, I have, by default, been eating healthier (at least where dinner is concerned). However, I decided that I'd still do ham on Easter, so I bought a relatively small ham. I ate something like eight to ten pieces with dinner last night, and another four for breakfast this morning. Last night I actually went into a ham-coma.

This post really serves no purpose except to illustrate the fact that I really, really like ham.

Feels like a Friday.

2008-03-20T09:29:00.000-05:00

And it sort of is Friday, as we're off work tomorrow. Plans for my unexpected day off include meeting with my tattoo artist, sleeping, and eating vast quantities of unhealthy foods. Oh, and there's on reason I used this picture of the hallway outside my office -- I just like the way it looks.

Mmmm. . . Lemony.

2008-03-19T13:47:00.001-05:00

I think this stuff comprises approximately 60 percent of my diet now. If the fine folks who resupply Chad The Coffee Robot stop bringing it one day. . . it won't be pretty.

All Hail Sadie!

2008-03-19T13:24:00.001-05:00

Hello. This is Sadie. You might think that, with the arrival of the other dog, my power has in some way decreased. I cannot stress enough how foolish it would be to make this assumption.

The birds are after me!

2008-03-16T17:11:00.002-05:00

OK, when the geese were trying to take over the building on Friday, I assumed that they were just trying to take our advanced technology as part of an avian masterplan that would eventually enslave us all (as anyone, really, would assume). Today, though, I came to a different realization when my wife and I were out at the lake. The birds aren't trying to take over.

They're just after me.

I have no idea what I did to anger them, but they're certainly coming for me, as evidenced by this rather large thing that decided to advance on me this afternoon. If you find me beaten to death, wing and flipper marks all over my corpse, you know who did it.

We're taking over, see?

2008-03-14T09:00:00.002-05:00

The geese, apparently, don't play. They usually stay down near their little pond thingy, but today. . . today they were about eight feet from the door when I went out for a smoke. I have the feeling that these two were just recon. . . the invasion is coming later today.

Today is brought to you by the letter G!

2008-03-13T08:05:00.001-05:00

As in, "Good Lord, I should have gotten more sleep." However, instead of getting a good night's sleep, I stayed up until 2 in the morning watching "The Wire." At least it was time well spent, as I love that show's writing. Now, coffee. Much coffee.

Found pens.

2008-03-12T12:44:00.001-05:00

The pens at my desk have more of a life than I do. That's more than a little sad. Meh. I'm just having one of those days.

Oh, and because it's been a while. . .

2008-03-11T10:38:00.004-05:00

. . . and I wouldn't want anyone to think this blog was about something other than my dogs, here's a picture of Edie and Sadie forming a canine yin-yang. They're waiting patiently for their mom to get home, because I'm apparently quite boring.

The Life Of John David Stutts

2008-03-11T10:13:00.003-05:00

This is how the mind of a crazy person works -- sometimes, you'll see something and it gets stuck in your head. For example, a week or two back, I saw yet another commercial for NBC's craptastic "Celebrity Apprentice." That commercial, like a bunch of other insignificant and pointless things I see, lodged itself right in my frontal lobe and kept playing on repeat. As a crazy person, whenever I have an idle moment, I'll go back to thinking about said insignificant and pointless thing until either (a) I slam my head against something repeatedly, or (b) I finally obsess about it long enough that it burns its way out of my head (Note: This can take years. I'm still angry about an Oldsmobile commercial I saw in 1987).

What I'm currently obsessing about, though, is the fact that NBC and the world at large are trying to convince us that Omerosa is a celbrity. It says so right in the title of the show -- "Celebrity Apprentice" -- yet what did she do to become a celebrity? She was on an earlier version of the exact same show. And why should we bother to grant her celebrity status, anyway? She has absolutely no redeeming qualities, as far as I can see.

Now, I'm not just picking on Omerosa here (though I could, as the way they present her every time she's mentioned sets my teeth on edge). We seem to make a lot of people into celebrities for absolutely no reason. Look at Paris Hilton (which should be easy, as I started off this particular rant with a picture of her) -- she's a skinny white chick who's not all that attractive and has the IQ of a four-year-old. She's a constant fuckup. Yet the public at large diefies her. Why? Because she's rich? Warren Buffet's richer. Because she's not hideous? I know tons of people who are more attractive.

If we're going to make ordinary people into celebrities, let's pick some more interesting ones, yeah? They can be attractive, I have zero problem with that. But let's pick somewhat intelligent people, ones with something rattling around in their heads other than baby teeth and last month's copy of Vogue. People with some redeeming qualities.

Oh, and a free cup of coffee and breakfast from the corporate restaurant to whoever correctly identifies the title of this post*. No fair Googling. I'll know.

*I assume no liability for the degradation of breakfast sandwiches in the mail, nor for spillage of coffee.

Two doors down

2008-03-05T09:22:00.005-05:00

So this is what I saw first thing this morning -- a truck had driven directly through the front of the apartment two doors down from me. I still don't know exactly what happened, but the police were there, and the guy driving the truck was looking like he was about to be arrested. Everyone seemed to be OK, thankfully (as far as anyone standing around knew).

OK, I've gotten in car accidents before. But even I find it pretty easy to avoid a large building. I don't want to unfairly stigmatize anyone, but I've seen the guy who decided to park his truck in someone else's living room many a time knocking back beers in his truck after work. I'm thinking you have to be somehow impaired to not notice the rather large building you're driving straight towards. Or at least, I hope you'd notice that someone seemed to have parked a couch and a TV in your space.

Oh, and I have no idea why my neighbor is standing there looking so proud of himself. We like him, but he's an odd guy.

So, yeah, that was my morning. I'm hoping the day does not get any more interesting from here.

Because the full-sized pooper just wasn't working out.

2008-03-03T11:16:00.001-05:00

Really, do people think at all when writing this crap? Is the only requirement for a marketing career the ability not to drool on yourself?

Saturday morning: the sequel.

2008-03-03T10:14:00.001-05:00

You know what's fun? Flea markets. They're just the right mix of questionable merchandise and dangerously unstable lunatics.

Saturday Morning

2008-03-03T10:02:00.003-05:00

Ask my wife -- it's very hard to wake me up on a Saturday anytime before noon. One of the few things I will get up for, though, is breakfast at Big Ed's in downtown Raleigh. Not only is the food tasty, the coffee is great and there's almost always a jazz band playing out in front of the restaurant. Besides, it's one of the only places I've been to that has Brains and Eggs on the menu. Not that I'm ever going to order it, mind you, but it's nice to know that it's there.

Inside, I weigh about 320.

2008-02-29T10:04:00.001-05:00

All this for a paltry $2.53? Thank you, company cafeteria!

Duty now, duty for the future.

2008-02-29T09:36:00.001-05:00

Though I may look as if I'm gazing into the future in a manner most Presidential, I think I was looking at a shiny airplane on approach to RDU.

Persuant to the traffic post --

2008-02-29T09:29:00.001-05:00

Things apparently are no better when one elects to take surface roads instead, as the surface roads appear to be designed by a criminally insane four-year-old. I left the office at 6 pm, and I took this shot when I pulled up outside my house. You who this round, Raleigh/Durham/Cary/Morrisville. Well played.

You think your town has traffic?

2008-02-27T08:26:00.001-05:00

Trust me, kids. You have no idea what traffic is. Raleigh has the worst gridlock I've ever seen. And I've been to New Jersey. This shot was taken on my hourlong, 16-mile drive home yesterday.

Hello. I am the Devil.

2008-02-25T15:24:00.001-05:00

PSA: This crap is horrible. An hour and a half after sweetening my coffee with this, I still could taste its awful aftereffects. It tasted of death and pure evil. Do yourself a favor and avoid it at all costs.

What is up, Chad?

2008-02-25T10:58:00.001-05:00

The coffee robot, who I have named Chad. Yeah, I name machines. My insanity is a few ticks above "cute" or "charming."

The spiral calls you.

2008-02-25T10:54:00.001-05:00

I see this every day when I walk into work, and I never get tired of it.

The Oscars. Why even bother?

2008-02-25T09:29:00.001-05:00

Last night, Lisa and I considered watching the Oscars. . . for about three seconds. We realized that we'd only seen one of the movies up for awards this year (guess which one?) and really didn't care too much about the rest. Question, though -- when are they going to quit shoving action and sci-fi (no matter how well-made) down into the technical categories? Matt Damon deserved best actor. And that's not just my man-crush talking. (Ok, maybe a little.)

Estrogen levels are through the roof.

2008-02-25T09:08:00.001-05:00

Yep, I'm severely outnumbered in my house. The only males are myself and whichever multiple personalities I may construct that day.

They only look innocent.

2008-02-24T18:39:00.001-05:00

Together, though, they combine to form a Voltron of Destruction.

More dogs.

2008-02-24T18:35:00.001-05:00

Yeah, our lives kind of revolve around them.

Hi. I'm Edie.

2008-02-22T18:49:00.001-05:00

I am not Chaos. Give me your food.

Why did I take a picture of my shoe?

2008-02-22T15:26:00.001-05:00

Perhaps because it's Friday, I'm at work, and I'm starting to get the weekend crazies. And perhaps because I'm a bit bored.

Sadie.

2008-02-22T15:10:00.001-05:00

She's better than you. And she knows it.

Edie.

2008-02-22T15:08:00.001-05:00

Don't let the cuteness fool you. She is chaos incarnate.

Do you have the coveted Babylon 5 mug?

2008-02-22T15:01:00.001-05:00

Well, do you? I thought not. I shall now revel in my superiority.

Work. It does not suck.

2008-02-21T13:30:00.001-05:00

Here's where you'll find me 40 hours a week. I dig it.